Poem: On Hold

I only ever wished
To be important to someone.
When I left it wasn't out of spite,
Rather necessity, I didn't want to be shunned.

I never expected you
To put your life on hold;
To leave a gaping hole in your life
I should have known you'd grow cold.

People have moved on
And closed their hearts to me.
I don't blame them for their choice
Now that I'm back, it's easy to see.

The harsh reality is
Resentment for my departure abounds.
My past isn't spotless, I guess
What goes around comes around.

My only wish was to break the cycle;
To remove myself from the illness
That fought to claim my life and
I thought Arizona was my best

Option to collect myself and
Make amends with the demons.
I was embarrassed of my mistakes
I was ashamed and needed to run.

I've never expected anyone to understand
What sort of situation made me hit rock bottom.
The aftermath, two years later, I could've never
Predicted, and I feel all my choices have been wrong.

They say one should "Regret nothing."
I believe if you regret nothing, you're heartless.
I regret a few things; although I needed to escape
I should have never moved, as I've now created this mess.

Copyright © 2013 by Erin M. Truesdale