I hope no one thinks that me picking up and leaving was an easy decision. It's been agonizing. People closest to me know how sentimental I am... it's been so hard. I've thought about leaving so many times in the past, but just couldn't find the courage. Now I know I can, because I know I'll be back. I've lived in Minnesota for almost 30 years, with a small stint overseas; this is my true home.
And it's more than just where I perceive "home" to be. It's also about soul mates. That's the part that chokes me up while I type. I have a couple people in mind while I write this, and I'll mention some of them here. When people typically think of the term "soul mate" they think of a romantic relationship. I don't see it that way. I met two people when I was very young, and I am still very close to them til this day. We've gone through EVERYTHING together, and they are still the only two people who can make me laugh so hard liquid comes out of my nose. We obviously don't see each other as much as we used to (when we were young) but we don't have to. We just have this weird cosmic mental connection. We can always pick up right where we left off, even if we haven't seen each other in damn near a year. Of course, I'm talking about Katie and Kauri. I don't know if I'll miss anyone as much as I'll miss you girls.
Another soul mate I won't mention by name. But this person I knew I was destined to have a crazy, intense, soul-gripping connection with, like I've never had before. I was engaged to a guy when I was younger... and that relationship pales in comparison to what I feel when I am with the person about whom I am currently speaking. I remember it like it was yesterday the first night, no, the first moment we met. I don't think I'll ever have that kind of connection with a human ever again. Other relationships might come close, but it'll never be quite like what happens in a movie... and that's what happened the first time we met each other's gaze. There are no words to describe it... I've never loved another person as deeply, or as thoroughly, or as intensely as I loved this person. Even though I'm leaving him behind, I think the world will throw us back together again when the time is right.
The same goes for Katie and Kauri. I know in my heart we'll see each other again. And once again, we'll pick up where we left off, like nothing happened, like always. That bond will never fade.
What I've noticed about these intense bonds I've formed with a couple people... is that they all just happened. No one outwardly "tried" to make such an epic connection. It just happened. Also with these people, I remember it like it was yesterday the first time I met and befriended each of them. Kauri... it was 4th grade, and you and your mom came in late after you broke your arm (and you had your awesome hot pink cast on); Katie, I knew you before we became friends, but I remember the subtle moment we became friends... we were in 7th grade art class, and you sat next to me and we started talking. We haven't shut up since :)
Same goes for a couple other people who've entered my heart and will never leave. It goes without saying that leaving the site of my dad's grave is gonna be hard. He passed away when I was 24, and I've visited his grave so many times I've lost count. When I achieved something great I'd go there and share it with him; if something awful happened I'd sit with him and cry. I know it sounds weird, but just being there and feeling his spirit has helped me through the best and worst times in my life. Surprisingly, I haven't gone to tell him about what's going on in my life currently. Maybe I feel like just admitting out loud what has happened would be too much, or maybe I feel like I've let down my dad, who was always my biggest fan. I know in life my daddy and I had our share of problems, but I was always a daddy's girl, no matter what. I could fill a whole book with my fond childhood memories of him. Leaving MN would be like leaving all of my childhood behind.
Another person with whom I just clicked is Ryan. I still remember the first time I met him, too. He called me while I was out in Inver Grove Heights. At the time I lived on the west bank of the U of M campus. He asked if I wanted to meet up, and since I hadn't met him in person yet, I agreed. He gave me directions from IGH to Apple Valley; to a city-slicker such as myself, it seemed so much like the boonies (super dark drive!). I met him and his friend Brandon at the infamous Perkins in AV, and we sat there and talked until 5am. He helped me through a lot too, and helped me get the best job I've ever had: Simon Delivers. I worked there for almost 4 years, and it was great. I don't talk to him nearly enough anymore, either, but he is my Oprah!
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All of my love is sent to you, friends. <3
(See my next post for the long note I wrote as I leave Arizona now in September 2013!)
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